HOME

tumblr_ngu606iJ3w1sqeecso1_500Home was never a place, home is the way my name sounds on your lips. Home is the perfume you wear, home is the way it feels to be wrapped up in your embrace. Home is not four walls, home is not a city or a town. Home has two beautiful blue eyes, home has a warmth not created by a thermostat but a warmth of a soul. Home is not 123 home is you and me. And no matter what the future brings, home forever a piece of you will be.

“Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.“

Files from my journal.

London recap:

  • saw 23 plays
  • went clubbing
  • went pubbing
  • met 2 award-winning actors (for class…)
  • got asked for directions 5 times
  • had a girl buy me a drink for the first time (woot woot to 18 as drinking age)
  • saw Colin Morgan, Ben Whishaw, and Judi Dench perform on stage
  • kissed a brit
  • went on a date with a brit (different girl)
  • passed the Harries twins in a tube station.

My Christmas was pretty great. I spent the day eating food and hanging out.

I got a lot of Star Wars stuff so that was fantastic. Thanks for asking!

 

Something I wrote when I was 9…

The Future

My goals for the future is getting my high school diploma, then all the fun starts! After I get my high school diploma, I would like to go to either Hofstra University or St. John’s University to become a cartoonist. I think it would be an easy job to be a cartoonist. I am pretty good at drawing cartoons. I know that drawing cartoons would be the right job for me.

I plan on having a family because if I don’t have a family, I would be lonely. I want to have a family when I get older because it would be fun, and I would get to go to many parties.

New York sounds like a great place for me to live at.  I’ll live in New York, then.

I think that in the future, I will have a lot of weddings to go to. I have more than eight cousins! Actually, I don’t think I will have a lot of weddings to go to, I know I will have to go to a lot of weddings!

I hope my life will be a life that I will love. My life will hopefully turn out to be okay. Well, that’s what will probably happen in the future.

The Signs as Countries

Aries: Germany. Aggressive, intelligent, assertive, confident. Devilishly attractive. Innovative. Doesn’t always play well with others. Intolerant. Likes beer and sausage.

Taurus: Italy. Loves to eat and sleep. Does very little but eat and sleep. When not eating or sleeping, they’re having sex. Wakes up. Eats. Goes to work. Eats. Takes a break. Imagines coworker naked. Takes a nap. Eats. Leaves early. Eats. Tries to have sex. Ends up having pasta. Sleeps.

Gemini: North Korea. Cunning. Secretive. Scary. Wonky in the head. Builds walls to keep people out. Reckless. Dishonest. Thinks everyone likes them. Over-estimates their own intelligence. Tells everyone they’re about to launch an amazing rocket; the rocket breaks.

Cancer: France. Whiny. Romantic. Self-absorbed. Childish. “Why did you get the last crepe? I wanted the last crepe! Life isn’t fairrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!”

Leo: The United States. Boastful, self-righteous, proud, egocentric. Always thinks they’re right. Takes what they want. Tendency towards gluttony. Bad manners are forgiven for their singular charm and devastating good looks.

Virgo: The United Kingdom. Classy, particular, proper, intellectual. Detail-oriented. Controlling and meddling. Will invite you over for tea and biscuits, but NO CRUMBS.  

Libra: Egypt. The Egyptians liked scales. When you died, a dog-god weighted your heart on a scale to see if you were good or evil. Fuck yeah, scales are important.

Scorpio: Mexico. Mexico?! Yes, Mexico!! Spiritual, sensual and dark, dichotomous; salsa dancing and the Day of the Dead, gangs and homemade tamales, tequila and family. Sensitive. Emotional. Dynamic. 

Sagittarius: Russia. Intelligent, but hampered by the inability to be responsible/sober. Drinks often. Is creative, but in a sulky, politically oppressed kind of way. Eats often. Overindulges. Gets rowdy. Selective memory.

Capricorn: Japan. Efficient and distinguished. Perfectionist. Workaholic. Overachiever. Yet sophisticated, soulful, wise, and appreciative of the delicate things in life. A little strange. Meticulous. Drinks tea, but is too busy for yoga. 

Aquarius: Cuba. Socialist. Free healthcare. Donates to foreign aid. Believes in helping people. Island vibe. Likes music and relaxation. Wears bright, happy colors. Exotic. Lives simply.

Pisces: New Zealand. Highly intelligent. Unusual. Likes Lord of the Rings. Interested in wildlife preservation. Open to different lifestyles. Crazy, in a good way. High literacy rate. Loves the beach.

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Memories on my mind

The cool thing is that I’m actually ok with the memories. If I wasn’t, they’d have crushed me a long time ago. I’ve learned to let them stay, to think them through. It’s so much easier that way.
I understand how it must have been for you, but I trust that, in hindsight, you’ve seen my perspective too. So, I hope you learn to keep the memories too.

I think when it comes to memories of us, or at least of you…this is one that I have super present in my mind. You know, that one specific memory. One that seems to never fade, nor go away. As a matter of fact, it’s a memory that replays in my head over and over again. And it usually tends to do so at very unnecessary and unexpected times. 

Imagine

I swear, I’ve done it all. I’ve tried my best to get rid of everything that could possibly remind me of unwanted things. But for some reason, this specific memory always replays in my head. Whether it’s 3 in the morning and I am unable to sleep…or it’s 12 in the afternoon and I’m stuck in class. No matter what, it always seems to be there.

I find it to be so sad how things just come to an end. Something or someone who possibly made you the happiest person ever, is now the one thing you hate the most. Haha or at least try to hate the most. 

Until now, I don’t think I’ve been able to comprehend how things got as bad as they did. Or maybe I can comprehend it…and it just hasn’t sunk in completely. More than anything…it’s hard to understand how I allowed myself to get to this very point in my life. How things escalated and had a downfall all of a sudden. How things went from being great…to being the way they are now. 

From lovers to haters.

From a relationship to a break up.

From happiness to bitterness.

From a complete heart to a broken one.

From happy memories, to unwanted ones. 

Over and over and over and over and over again. It’s a cycle of events. After a while it becomes so pathetic. At least that’s what I feel like at times.

Thankfully, after so long, I can honestly say I’m content with how my life is as of now. Or at times that’s how I feel about my life. Although I must admit, things aren’t always so peachy. Other days…i feel like complete crap. I’ve been working on not allowing my thoughts or even emotions get the best of me. You know, cause I can’t allow something so small, like you, or a unwanted memory, to affect me anymore. I’m refusing to let it get the best of me. Everything I’m doing now is for myself..and my well-being. On a daily basis I try my very best to remind myself, “This isn’t as good as it gets. This isn’t as good as it gets. This can’t possibly be as good as it gets..”

Deep in my heart I know there’s so much more out there for me. And even though the puzzle pieces don’t fit quite properly just yet, it’ll all begin to make sense soon. I just want these memories to go away. Forever.

 
 

“…..Thats a light dusting, not snow.” “Can you people drive?” “Did you guys remember to change your tires?”

These are awesome and intelligent comments on a site post depicting scenes from the roads today in Romania. These are just a few, there were more, and there were worse. Like the comment, “How often should I tell you… Don’t let your women drive a car.” 

 

There is ice underneath that thin layer of snow that some so flippantly mention. The severity of this weather event was unexpected, as we were told we wouldn’t get anything but a light dusting at the most, flurries at the least. People went about their days as normal until the ice formed on the roads and we realized the severity of the situation. By that time schools were letting children out, parents were trying to get home, and it became pandemonium on the roads.

Imagine

 

We don’t get snow here very often if at all, so we have no snow plows or the apparently mythical “snow tires” (even though some people apparently knew what they were while others did not), nor do we have cities equipped to handle such a massive need for sand or salt on the roads. People were going as slow as physically possible. It was taking hours for someone to make an otherwise 15 minute trip down a straight stretch of road. That was before traffic came to a total stand still. 

 

People are missing, some are dead, some are on their way to being that way. Hundreds are trapped on the roads, sleeping in their cars. Some are running out of gas and have young children with them, or someone otherwise vulnerable to the freezing temperatures. We could wake up tomorrow to quite a few casualties. People are missing. Some have slid off of the road into rivers or lakes. Families are separated, people are in shelters and hotels or stranded at their school or place of work where they’ve been all day. 

Imagine

 

This is not an oppertunity to make some snide remark about the South and the people that live here. After all they are still people, who have lost touch with loved ones, lost their lives, or lost property to this weather event. Try to remember that before you try to sound clever on the internet. 

I’ll end the post with this, just to show that humanity isn’t a total disgrace, and that Southern hospitality is a real thing in a dangerous or disastrous situation.

New Year Resolution #2014

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There’s a new year dawning on us and it reminds me of last year. how I had no resolutions because I felt I had everything I wanted. It’s a timely reminder that nothing is concrete and as hard as situations are to accept – they all happen for a reason. We all know that when we’re in the middle of a feeling it overwhelms us to a point that we think we’ll never overcome. It takes looking around you to realise life does indeed go on. You carry the heaviness of your heart around like a chain. But each day/week/month that chain gets shorter and shorter. Time becomes the essence. There is so much more going on around you and you yearn to get lost in it. You weep for death, you weep for an earthquake that has taken thousands of lives, you weep because you hit your foot on the door.

Life keeps tabs on you, checking in to make sure you see the beauty around you. Like the love in your mothers eyes for a daughter she wants desperately to see happy. I’ve found my smile hidden under a draw of yesterdays and I’m trying it on for size. When I had stumbled on these pages a few months ago, I had no idea what was up or down. I wanted to write, to bleed out the pain. And in that chaos I was reminded of the goodness in people. You all know who you are; those who have listened to me speak/scream/cry/vent – those who caught me when I fell. Who still do. It’s so important to see that life truly is a gift that comes packaged with people who see the goodness in you. I thank you – from here to there and back again. We’re all a little lost in the labyrinth of life and it’s so important to see we’re not alone.

This year was one of my hardest. I’m still picking up my soul off the ground – but I can see the silver lining. That’s something I never thought I could do 12 months ago. I don’t know what the next year will bring but what I do know is that I wish happiness for everyone. Health and wisdom when we’re lost. I want to be the son that smiles to a mum that has been nothing but supportive. I want happiness, health and wisdom for me and my family. But also for everyone around me. I want to be accepting of what comes. 

Life is short. I want to be able to come full circle. And peace. For my loved ones, for everyone, for the world and for me. For what is greater than having peace in your soul? 

Have a very Happy New Year; everyone.

(and stay safe)